Monday, September 26, 2016

Summar Breeze Update

I am here in Portland, OR with Summar. I’ve spent the last two nights in the hospital with her. Today she goes home. I will be here until Friday, unless something drastic happens.
Prayers and hugs are greatly appreciated. 
Below is Summar’s husband’s post on Summar’s Caring Bridge, and also what he posted on Facebook. 
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for and supported Summar in her four-year Cancer journey. 

Journal entry by PASCAL RUELLE — 12 hours ago

The past few days in the ICU have been emotionally draining. Summar has bounced back from a serious high ammonia level which is most likely due to liver complications both from cancer and the many toxic drugs which are used to fight cancer. 

It is with a heavy heart to tell you all that we are heading home tomorrow with the Hospice team in place and are choosing to end Summar's ongoing cancer treatment. The one thing that stood out the most to me is what the hospice nurse said to us and that is it may seem like we're giving up but we're actually taking control of how we want this to end. Both Summar and I feel it is time to be home in a comfortable environment where Summar can live her remaining time with her Children, Family, Friends and Hospice Team. 

We ask that you please respect our precious time together and I will try and coordinate visits as her health permits. 

Thank you all for the continued prayers and support over the past 4+ years.

I'll update as I can in the coming days 

—Pascal Ruelle

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Serenity NOW!!

I have been having a rough time lately but I can’t talk about it here. 

I have been trying to say and live by this prayer every day, which is REALLY hard for me because it goes against every grain of my personality. But I’m trying. 

For once in my life, I am purposely being selfish (of course I’ve been un-purposefully selfish many a time, every single day) and trying to focus on myself and MY needs before others. Basically, I am just trying to keep myself healthy: Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually as best I can. 

On a lighter note, remember this?

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I Don’t Know Why I Can’t Get Over This!

So Jeff and I wandered around the Clayton art fair on Sunday, which for those of you out of town, is an annual event in a pricey and trendy suburb of St. Louis. It’s basically a street fair (an upscale one) with a band, restaurants selling food, treats, drinks, and artists from all over the country who are set up in their little booths selling everything from ceramics to photography to paining to jewelry, etc.

The weather was beautiful (sunny and warm, but no humidity and no rain!) and it felt great to be outside; it also provided PLENTY of excellent people watching as all kinds show up. There were ladies dressed to the nines in their freshly coiffed hair and 3-inch heels (yes, 3-inch heels for a STREET FAIR) and designer clothes; then there were beer-bellied tattooed guys with wife beaters. All kinds to make the world go round:)

Anyway, Jeff and I aren’t artists nor do we know much about art. I’m drawn to photography and Jeff is drawn to unusual, eclectic items you wouldn’t find anywhere else. Basically we just went to avoid doing chores around the house and to enjoy each other’s company and to people watch and to soak up the sun and breeze.

So we were peaking in this one booth – gosh, I even forget what this lady’s artwork was like – it was painting, definitely painting of some kind or type or style. I didn’t find it ugly or offensive in any way, nor did I want to snatch it up and hang it on my wall. It was just there, I guess because apparently her artwork isn’t the part that made an impression on me: it was her attitude.

Often times the artists sit on a stool or a tall chair kind of behind their displays, but so you can still see them in case you want to talk to them, but they know most people are just browsing and so they let you go about your business without any pressure.

Anyway, we’re in this artist lady’s booth and this guy asks, “What does painterly mean?”
And she  - the artist – says, verbatim: “Well if you have to ASK what it means then you certainly DON’T deserve to know.” And she said it with so much DISDAIN and ATTITUDE and…DISGUST. Yes, she said it with disgust. I mean, she obviously looked at this poor guy as if he were a complete and total imbecile which is not the impression I would get from looking at him: he was clean cut and well dressed and so was his wife. He looked like a normal, curious guy. (Not that people who AREN’T clean or well dressed can’t be smart. Because I don’t dress well and I think I am of normal intelligence. I do shower every day though. I have that going for me, hehe).

My jaw just about dropped open and for a minute I thought we were on a scripted reality TV show. I looked all around but saw no cameras or crew. Besides, wouldn’t I have had to sign one of those waiver forms?

So as we walk to the next booth, I was just so APPALLED for the guy that he was just treated like that by a complete stranger who was supposedly there to SELL HER ART that I turned around and asked him to clarify what he had asked the artist.

And he told me that he asked her what “painterly” meant because on her little bio she had hanging up it said, ‘I try to be painterly.’ And then I told him that it sounded like a made-up word to me and I wouldn’t have known what it is and we all had a “Can you believe that shit” moment and the wife said, “Even if I LIKED her art, I wouldn’t buy it now” and I didn’t blame her not one single bit.

But the men – our husbands – shrugged it off and I was thinking about it for the rest of the day. Obviously, I still am. I wonder if that wife is telling the story to a friend right now.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Ethan is 12!!

This handsome guy turned 12 on Saturday, and apparently he had TWO parties this weekend that his Mom threw him, PLUS another party coming up at SkyZone that he is sharing with another friend.
We didn’t get to see him ON his actual birthday, but we all went out to dinner earlier in the week and gave Ethan cards and cash (*wink*) [Sophie’s card had music and it farted – LOL]

And of course as soon as Ethan’s birthday arrives, Sophie starts planning hers. :)

Summar Breeze

This was my Facebook post from Saturday:

On the 4-year anniversary of Summar Breeze Ruelle's diagnosis, I did this...
Summar has shown me UNWAVERING support over the past 30 years. She has been there for me through thick and thin, through good times and bad, happy times and sad. She has been there for me through each of life's milestones including but not limited to: first loves, first heartbreaks, marriage, birth, divorce, remarriage...
She has an amazing strength. She inspires me. I am blessed to call her my best friend and my soul sister.
I love you, sis [xxoo]

Tuesday, September 06, 2016

Looking for “Date Night” Ideas

Many married couples with children who do not have any ex’s involved, look at me and Jeff as “lucky” because we have a built in “date night” every week, when our children are at their other parents’ homes. (Well I only have one night a week without Sophie but, still, it’s built into the schedule).

But I’m looking for date night ideas, other than just going out to eat.

Because often times what happens is we end up sitting out in the sunroom watching TV, drinking. (Well, now he is only drinking, since I’m doing this). 

It will get more difficult once winter arrives and it’s dark at 5pm; now it is still light enough to get a walk in with Kylie around the lake, as well as dinner.

So, any ideas? Even new Netflix shows we could get ‘addicted’ to? (We have to be inside to watch Netflix:))
Netflix shows we’ve watched and love (to give you an idea of our taste. Well, our taste is mostly ‘dark comedy’ I guess):
·       Breaking Bad
·       Weeds
·       Orange is the New Black
·       Lost (I watched it when it was on TV; we watched it together on Netflix)
·       Making a Murderer

He likes: Walking Dead
I like: Scandal
We couldn’t get into: House of Cards

I’ve heard good things about:
·       Stranger Things
·       Nurse Jackie

Any other ideas?

Monday, September 05, 2016

I Am Brave Enough, After All

Read this first.

Jeff doesn't support the idea, so he refused to go with me. So, I had to go by myself. But it only took like, a minute, and the guy said I did great and it didn't hurt at all really. 

It reminds me to pause. Pause and pray. Pause and think before I speak. Pause and ask for guidance. Pause and choose words carefully. Pause when my emotions are heightened and I want to scream. Breathe.

Funny thing is, I'd been drawing a semicolon in this exact spot on my wrist for the past three weeks (with a Sharpie), and nobody noticed. 

But the "pause" - it worked. It's a daily reminder for me, and yes, I need it.

Next Saturday, I am getting my second tattoo. Stay tuned!

Thursday, September 01, 2016

Thy Will Be Done

It is weird to feel free and trapped at the same time. 
All I can do is pray using the words above. 
Because things may not work out the way I want them to, or the way I expected them to. But I trust that God has my back, so to speak. 

He has yours too, if you allow it.