Thursday, July 02, 2015

Marcy, Marcy, Marcy

Oh the woman GETS ON MY NERVES sometimes!!!
So we’re doing the painting project right? Well before we started Marcy came over to pick up Ethan on OUR weekend for YOGA with the moms and baseball team *rolls eyes*
We had MY previous color choices on one wall – the ones Jeff rejected – and Marcy comes in and says, “Oh! What color are you painting?”
And under my breath I was like, “None of your fucking business” but after she left Sophie (reading the expression on my face) said, “Mom, she was just being curious.” You say curious, I say nosy and judgmental. I DID have PMS though so…
Anyway, she came BACK later on [much later: after lunch and a ‘play-date’] to drop Ethan off and Jeff had made significant progress in the living room so that it now reminded us of the Caribbean Sea (ahhhh) and Marcy walks in (I wasn’t there – was at Sophie’s softball game tending to her sprained wrist), makes a face, and says, “Yeah, I’m not really a ‘blue’ person.” Well that’s good because you aren’t fucking living here, bitch!

So Marcy talks to Jeff either Sunday night or Monday and he doesn’t usually tell me this stuff because I get upset but I like for him to tell me this stuff, which was this:
--I know Farrell doesn’t like me and I mean I don’t care – I don’t care – but it’s affecting Ethan
[BULLSHIT the ONLY thing I’ve said even remotely about her recently is “I think it’s ridiculous to buy a 10-year old a $600 iPhone.” Because she is planning on getting Ethan one. And I would tell her that to her face]
--Ethan didn’t really ‘appreciate’ you taking him and Noah [cousin] swimming on Sunday
[I’m sorry – a kid didn’t appreciate going SWIMMING on hot summer day with his cousin and dad???!]
--Ethan said he didn’t get to do anything he wanted to all weekend and that Sophie always gets her way
[Now this pissed off Jeff because he was ready to lay into Ethan. This was Ethan’s weekend:
Friday night, dinner with Marcy and her cousin, then baseball game (he pitched)
Saturday morning, Marcy dragged him to Yoga, but his baseball buddies were there, they went out to lunch, THEN he got to go to a friend’s house, then he might have had 2 hours of entertaining himself at our house (video games) until his dad took him to the theater to see the Jurrasic movie.
Sunday, he got to have his cousin over all day, play video games all morning while it was raining, get ‘dragged’ to the pool in the afternoon when the sun came out, then played catch with his dad
In other words, there wasn’t anything he wanted to do that he DIDN’T get to do.
But I tried to remind Jeff: Listen, you don’t know if she’s (Marcy) just saying that, or if she’s interpreting, exaggerating, reading into comments, etc.
It very well could have gone like this:
Marcy: Hey Ethan, what’d you do all weekend?
Ethan: Nothin’
Marcy: No, really, what did you do today?
Ethan: Oh. Noah came over.
Marcy: Oh really? What time? How long was he there? What did you guys do? Did you have fun? Was Farrell home? Was Sophie home? What did your dad do while Noah was over? [She INTERROGATES HIM, We know this for a FACT]
Ethan: Oh, we played video games and then Dad took us to the pool but I didn’t really feel like going [because I was playing video games and I’m a 10 year old boy and could play them for 16 hours straight if Dad let me] (he doesn’t)
Ethan: “…”
Remember: She is a 14 year old girl in a 48 year old body. What do 14 year old girls do? They exaggerate. Okay, calling the kettle black I know but still.
In the end, Jeff never got to talk to Ethan about it because he ended up picking him up from Marcy’s dad and they all went out to dinner (Marcy’s step-dad is kind of like Tom. Older and very smart and nice and Grandpa-y).
Ethan still doesn’t listen to me, and I didn’t get to see him all week because he had two very late baseball games, and I feel like I barely got to see him all weekend. I have trouble connecting with him:(

Also, Ethan got upset because he said there were more pictures of Sophie on our walls than him. Which is probably true, but not by much, because I’m a girl and when I get a school photo I think ‘put it in a frame and hang it up!’ and Jeff’s a guy and when he gets a school photo he shoves it in a cabinet or drawer.

Monday, June 29, 2015

"Subtly Sophisticated"

So…Jeff and I decided to repaint every room in the house except the bedrooms and bathroom. BIG PROJECT - WILL OUR MARRIAGE SURVIVE? STAY TUNED…
That should be HGTV’s next show. Instead of all of these happy couples doing home projects for others with happy faces and hugs and kisses like on Flip or Flop or Fixer Upper, they should show the REAL story about normal (not professionals) couples trying to stay married throughout the duration of a home project (Okay I guess they kind of do in Love it or List It)

Anyway, I have a tip for the ladies. Ladies, here is how to get your husband started on a painting project that he would otherwise likely keep putting off. Are you ready?
Start painting.
He comes in, doesn't like how you're doing it and suddenly, the project becomes all his and actually gets done!
At least, that's how it works in my house.

As with many home projects, a simple patching and painting turned into “Let’s change everything and give ourselves a brand new look!”
In other words, it snowballed. 

It all started when we had some issues installing a new ceiling fan in the living room/piano room/my office area. This house was built in the 60s and the electrical is all fucked up. I’ve lived here two years now and it STILL takes me 5 tries to figure out which of the FIVE switches by our front door in our living room turn which light on. In the other room, you have to turn one light on before you can turn another on. It’s all wacky. Anyway, that fan turned out to somehow be connected to something in the kitchen because installing that fan caused our microwave and oven to turn off which is…WEIRD. In the end, we had three or four patches repaired on our walls due to this electrical switch fixing thingy and so we let these big white patches sit there on our walls for like three weeks and then we thought “Hey we could just paint over in the same color OR since we have to paint anyway, WHY NOT JUST REDO THE ENTIRE HOUSE?!?” 

It is fun and exciting though but only if you and your husband trust each other to pick out paint. Jeff and I have similar tastes but the only way we were, in the end, successfully able to pick out paint is because we went to Lowe’s and now they have these paint in groupings like “Urban Classic;” “Traditionally Warm,” “Cool & Coastal,” etc. and they have these booklets which give you sample photos and TELL you “THESE THREE COLORS GO TOGETHER DUMMY AND HERE’S HOW IT COULD LOOK IN YOUR HOME.” 

Here is before:

We chose from a color grouping labeled “Color Pizazz” and here is the look we are going for:

And now our house looks like this:

And what we used to think was “green” now looks brown to me against the new green-blue. 
And what used to be purple looks pink to me against the aqua blue.

We haven't begun the kitchen or the office/piano area and NO, we are not leaving our house like this; we haven't done all the trim/cutting in and we are going to do a very light second coat, so please don't think these are our "after" photos! 

I made it very clear to Jeffrey that although I was VERY thankful he STARTED this project (at my prompting; see above), I did NOT want our house to stay in THIS state for the next 3 weeks - ie. happy 4th of July weekend to us. 

As Sophie reminded me, “We still haven’t finished painting the playground!”

What a Week!

Things that happened this week: 
—Jeff and I decided to repaint the entire upstairs except for the bedrooms
—My mom fell in the driveway, got a black eye, and sprained her wrist, all because she went to pick up the newspaper and tripped or lost her balance
—Sophie sprained her right wrist trying to do a new batting swing Jamie taught her and now we have to get it x-rayed to ensure it’s not fractured - you may remember that LAST summer, she fractured her left wrist and was in a cast
—A tornado went right over our house last night
—Summar’s chemo pills weren’t working and now she has to go on IV chemo, plus she has a new cancer spot

Whew - I think that’s it. Isn’t it enough??

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Parenting Milestone

Congratulations to me for I have reached yet another parenting milestone! This morning, my daughter packed a bag and threatened to run away!

When I was younger (and I’ve probably told this story before – uh, yep), my cousin Kim tried to run away once….we must have been 5 or 6 and this was when we were living three houses down from each other. She grabbed her suitcase and made it as far as the end of the street. Our neighbor from the other street was walking and saw her and asked what she was doing. (This is how my mom tells it; I don’t actually remember this). And Kim said, “I’m running away.”
Neighbor: Well, you didn’t get too far, did you?
Kim: Well, I’m not allowed to cross the street by myself.

My mom says I threatened to run away once and she said, “Get your suitcase, I’ll help you pack” (reverse psychology at its best).

I do not even know what set her off; all I know is that she is over-tired from our trip and also has zero protein in her body because if you think she eats like crap when we are at home, traveling with her is close to impossible – it’s a big fat headache and although I got a suite with a full kitchen, AND we dragged the toaster oven along with us – she refused to eat trader joe’s chicken nuggets. So she subsisted on tomato soup, goldfish, ice cream, and French Fries. I really do suck as a mother.

ANYWAY, I was on a WORK CONFERENCE CALL this morning when Sophie busted out of her room, having slept in (sometimes she freaks out about sleeping in) and crying and she turned on the tv, came to me and I gave a hug but was obviously on the phone; and then she continued to freak out, stomp around the house, slam her bedroom door – all the meanwhile Jeff was still sleeping and claimed he didn’t hear her a bit and then even though she was STILL carrying on after my call, he got himself ready and left for the office without a care in the world. Fucker. (He did unpack us and start laundry last night though. Plus, I think he’s ‘scared’ of the girl outbursts). I know I’m PMSing and maybe that has something to do with it too because when I’m cranky and bitchy and pissy and overwhelmed, she tends to feed off of those pheromones of mine or whatever.

So there was yelling and screaming and tears and it was the WORST start of any day that anyone would want to have.

Then FINALLY she calmed down but she REFUSED to tell me what was up because “you don’t care;” “you wouldn’t understand;” “you will get mad at me;” and “I’ll never tell anyone not ever.”


Then after that she was sweet as pie.

Then later the babysitter calls me and tells me Sophie got bit by a spider so the poor kid is just NOT having a good day.

Can I go to bed yet?

Monday, June 15, 2015


We had an absolute BLAST in Chicago this past weekend, and I didn't even throw a temper tantrum (only one cranky episode at the aquarium). My cousin Kelcey, who lives there, hung out with us; we visited the American Girl Doll store; went to Wrigley field to see a Cubs game; went to the aquarium; took a boat tour; walked and walked and walked...more later but all in all it was the BEST family vacation we've had yet! (Of course this is only our third). And the kids with headphones and movies in the car didn't even make a peep! No squabbling!

Highlights in pics below:

Boat Tour

First Time at Wrigley Field


American Girl Doll Store

American Girl Doll Store

Chicago Skyline

Tea Time


Millenium Splash Park (I got in the fountain too!)

Chicago Skyline

Kelcey and Kids

Sophie with her New American Girl Doll Julie = Pure Happiness (Thanks G&G for the shopping money!)

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

She Cannot STAND that we are going on a Family Vacation

Fucking Marcy, Jeff’s ex. Okay, here’s the deal. Our ONLY family vacation this year is driving 5 hours north to Chicago for 4 days. No biggie, right? Marcy and her parents etc. are taking Ethan on a cruise in July to the Bahamas for a week. Okay, great. Jeff puts it on his calendar and that’s that.

Jeff had emailed Marcy when we made these arrangements (yes it’s our weekend, he’s asking for a couple of extra days) MONTHS ago.

EVER SINCE she has come up with excuse after excuse and reason after reason to DICTATE and CONTROL OUR ENTIRE TRIP. And do you know why? I’ll tell you why and I bet you her fucking “LIFE COACH” would also tell you why: BECAUSE SHE CANNOT FUCKING STAND FOR US TO GO ON A ‘FAMILY’ VACATION.

FIRST, it was that we were leaving on her birthday and so we couldn’t leave until X time on Thursday because she and Ethan ALWAYS go out to breakfast on her birthday. Okay fine but dude you are turning 48 years old, you can’t choose the 7 days leading up to the trip that you are with Ethan to do a birthday breakfast?

THEN it was “Um, can you have Ethan home by Sunday afternoon because he has a make up baseball game.” (We’re supposed to go Thurs-Mon) This is from the same woman who was going to tell the coach that Ethan couldn’t play in a game in April because it was chilly then and her dad was visiting from Florida and he would have been cold sitting at the game.

THEN it was can you have him back Monday by 6 for his game?

THEN it was “Ethan is going to miss his cousin Noah’s birthday party and Noah is DEVESTATED, can you have Ethan back by 5pm on Monday in order to do Noah’s birthday dinner with my family?”

THEN yesterday it was “Well I already paid for this camp so I’d like him to go for a few hours on Thursday morning.”

THEN on top of THAT, she was trying to say that Jeff never TOLD her about this trip when I in fact have TWO emails that he had sent her and she had responded to (with a list of demands and control freakiness) MONTHS ago.


Truth is, we probably WOULD want to be back by 5pm on Monday but just because SHE wants us to be makes me want to not get home until 8.


Fucking Nightmare

We went out to the river Saturday because our friends Kyle & Jeannie invited us on their boat – YAY! And then my husband dropped my fab – the thing that has buttons and starts my car – into the river. Where it sunk to the bottom of the Mississippi. And even though he tried to jump in and find it, this was at the dock, where it is grubby and muddy (Okay the whole Mississippi is muddy) and even if he HAD found it (he didn’t, not even with fishing nets), it likely wouldn’t have worked.

And then I killed him.

Just kidding – they don’t let you write blog posts from jail (I don’t think).

Really, I knew it was an accident.

So you are thinking – no biggie, you have the second key at home, right?


I had lost the second key at Creve Coeur Lake a couple of months back. But it didn’t go IN the lake. I was walking Kylie and I thought I was really super duper clever because the fab thing is kind of biggish and heavy-ish and I didn’t have yoga pants on with a zipper so instead of holding the fab in my sweaty palms for an hour, I tied it up in a clean poop bag and tied the poop bag to the leash. So clever, oh so clever! Look at me being all inventive and resourceful and shit. So we’re walking along having the time of our lives and I look down and see a poop bag tied to the leash only something is amiss. IT HAS NO BOTTOM. It has a broken bottom. Which means my mighty fab was too heavy for wimpy poop bag. So then, even though I was more than halfway around by that time, I had to WALK THE OTHER WAY to retrace my steps to find the fab. I prayed to St. Anthony. I FOUND the broken poop bag. But no key. THAT WAS easily solved at the time because I did have another one at home so I had Jeff come pick me up with it.

We never replaced it because we had the extra and they cost 250 fucking dollars.

And when my friend Matt ordered me the key fab thing on Saturday from the river – he’s the one who sold me my car – apparently he did not clearly explain the situation because when I called the dealer on MONDAY to check on everything as I was supposed to pick up the key on Tuesday, apparently they had ordered me the key ignition switch when all I needed was the fab.

I actually HAD the valet key but all that does is lock and unlock the doors. Still, we had to break into the car because at the time the fab “fell” into the river, my car was locked with my keys and phone inside it. Thankfully Jeff had cracked the windows a bit and for some odd reason a couple of people had hangers at the river so we bent those and went through the crack and unlocked the car. Then we opened the door and the alarm went off and the entire fucking Mississippi heard it. And we pressed the horn and popped the hood and for some reason it stopped but if you closed the door and opened it again, the alarm would go off again so then Matt pulled out the alarm fuse. And all I had was a useless valet key. Here is the conversation I had with the parts/service guy at the dealership on Monday:
Him: Okay so you have the key?
Me: No, all I have is the valet key. All that does is lock/unlock the doors. It doesn’t turn the ignition
Him: So it’s a push button start then?
Me: No. It’s a fab thing with a plastic key thing and I put that in the ignition and turn on the car
Him: ????
Me: I don’t know – it’s the thingy with the buttons on it! I need the thingy with the buttons so I can start my car!

And then the parts/service guy mumbled “dumb fucking blond” under his breath and I’m not even a true blond or even a true fake blond so that was totally uncalled for.

But I sure felt stupid.

However, the parts/service guy neglected to tell me that they would need the actual car in their possession in order to program the key so that I could actually drive my car. And I didn’t find that out until about a fucking hour ago when my super duper nice co-worker called her car mechanic husband for me. So NOW, in addition to paying 250 fucking dollars for a damn mechanical thingy with buttons on it, I ALSO need to pay for a fucking tow truck to tow my car 30min to the dealer. And I had to call THREE places to see if they could do it before 6 because that’s when the dealer closes and they need time to do the programming and nobody could do it until the third call but at the same time I was frantically emailing Jeff with this new information who was frantically calling around himself and we both found tow people at the same time but I cancelled mine because he was already on his way to the river to meet the tow truck. And the worst part is I couldn’t even GIVE the tow company a fucking exact address because all I know is that my car is at X Port parked right at Kyle & Jeannie’s boat dock. So fucking helpful! (I did find the address of a bar/restaurant across the parking lot and that was the best I could do).

We deserve this though because we WERE going to pick up the key yesterday, but we didn’t because we had the kids and they were each coming from sep. places and we were ea. Coming from work and it got late and there is rush hour and it was hot and the kids were tired and Jeff and I thought we could have a leisurely date night tonight by going up to the river and eating at the Boat Dock and having a few drinks ladeeda. Except NOW, he’s rushing off early from work to go up to the river to meet the tow truck so we can sit at the dealers for a fucking hour while they program the key.

This car, by the way, is the car we are supposed to use to DRIVE to CHICAGO tomorrow for our ONLY family vacation of the year (more on that next post – Marcy drama. Fucking Marcy [Jeff’s ex]). Jeff’s car is far too small for four of us to make that trip comfortably.

Oh! And remember how I mentioned my windows were cracked? So then like a ghetto girl I had to tape ziplock bags to my cracked windows before we left the river because they were calling for storms. OF COURSE.

Also, for the record: Jeff dropped the key about 10 minutes after arriving at the river. Before shenanigans.

And I haven’t packed yet. Or done laundry.

The GOOD news though is that we were “forced” to stay on Kyle and Jeannie’s boat which has air conditioning and two beds and was super comfy. The GOOD news is we had a wonderful weekend at the river and Thank Goodness we had taken the dog who had her first lifejacket (and loved it) and two first swims: once when she was wandering around the dock and went to sniff up some fried chicken pieces and fell in and then when we deliberately put her in the water when Jeff was swimming – she didn’t like that so much but didn’t really have a chance to get used to it. She was a perfect angel and is a total boat dog.

The Good news is we felt like we had a mini vacation before our vacation. Except this week has been a nightmare and this morning Jeff told me he lost his wedding ring. It fell off. Somewhere. Don’t know where. Maybe it too is at the bottom of the river.

Anyway, we drank enough alcohol to forget about the key and also is this the life or what??!

PS – Ever since I have been driving around in Jeannie’s blue Camaro. Not a bad deal.

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Meeting Baby Luna

My cousin Jessica had a baby about 10 months ago, Luna Rae, and I had yet to meet her. I decided to do that over Memorial Day Weekend; she lives in Connecticut, only about 10 min. from where she grew up and my aunt Stephanie (mom’s sister) still lives. I was glad that my mom agreed to come along for the trip; I stayed with Jessica and her husband Max and my mom stayed with Stephanie and my cousin David (Jessica’s brother) who I was glad was still in town and not yet on another world-wide adventure!

Baby Luna is of course adorable and I loved meeting her and taking long walks to the beach (Long Island Sound) and seeing her play in the sand, etc. It was just a great time to spend with family. David, Max and Jessica all like to cook so I was treated to some very healthy, organically cooked food. My cousin Jessica, now pretty much a stay at home mom, was educated as a nutritionist and had a long career with Jenny Craig. She once struggled with her weight for a long time, in her teens, but as she learned about nutrition in school, she applied that knowledge and became healthy and has maintained a fantastic figure (you could not even tell she just had a baby. I’ve still not lost the baby weight from 10 years ago, LOL!). Jessica is seriously like a size 0 or 2 but not in a skinny way - you can tell she is healthy and has muscles. And she eats EVERYTHING. I don’t know how she does it though she is very active and runs often (I have never met a fat runner) and basically her advice is simply this: “Eat real food.” That’s it. 

She does not count calories, she does not limit portion sizes, but she does limit sugar and sweets, and she eats REAL FOOD. Nothing that comes out of a package, except maybe cereal. So anyway, I’ve given her access to my LoseIt! account in hopes for some free nutrition counseling and that she can help me as I’ve gained 10+ pounds in the past year. 

I read an article the other day on Facebook that claimed red wine slims your waist line - IF you only drink ONE glass a night. Well I think it is wishful thinking and I know for a fact that my enjoyment of adult alcoholic beverages is a main inhibitor to my weight loss. 

Anyway, that’s really neither here nor there but just me babbling as I have the house almost all to myself and Sophie is watching “her shows.” (Ethan is back at his mom’s and Jeff went to the office. Yes, on a Sunday night!)

*Interruption: Sophie paused her shows because TT called her back and then she went into her room and closed the door. Maybe that is neither really here or there either but um, okay…

Okay, back to Connecticut! What I really liked about our visit is seeing and spending time with my cousins and aunt and mommy. I also liked that we were casual the whole time; cooking at home and doing long walks for exercise and bike riding….

Actually, here is a funny story. In the morning, my mom and David both like to sleep in. So I went over to Aunt Stephanie’s and we took a 4 1/2 mile walk with the dog and chatted etc. Then we were waiting around for Jessica but I had had enough of staring at my mom and Aunt so David and I decided to bike ride into town. Well last time I was on a bike was with Pascal in Portland but before that it had been years and years and years. Let me just say riding a mountain bike around the small hills of Darien, CT was MUCH easier than riding a ‘beach cruiser’ type bike up the mountainous hills of Portland, OR. I was doing really, really well and David and I swung by their old house, which has a pond in front. Then I wanted ice cream (I ALWAYS want ice cream in the summer - *ahem* but that doesn't mean I ALWAYS eat it) and we were going through town anyway so we did that. I made the whole 3-mile trip without falling flat on my face UNTIL - and here is the entertaining part - I was across the street from my aunt’s house and I stopped and lost my balance and fell and scraped my elbow all up. 


In other words, I totally “pulled a Farrell.”

David put liquid bandage on it which stung like a mutherfucker but it did the job. 

What I thought was hard about the visit was that I don’t think my Aunt realized how much help my mom needed. First of all, my aunt lives in a two-story which is kind of hard for my mom but she can do it, just not up-down-up repeatedly throughout the day. Second of all, my aunt is VERY active. I mean, she thinks nothing of doing all of this in one day: 5 mile walk with dog, 1.5hr walk with Luna, play tennis, go for a bike ride, swim a few laps.

Me, I walk three miles and call it a success. 

So I think maybe my aunt had a hard time with my mom in a way but she still got her walks in in the morning while my mom slept. I just think maybe it was a bit of a reality check on how limited my mom is, even though my aunt’s seen her multiple times over the years, it’s different when that person is staying with you and you are basically their sole caretaker, you know?

And I know it is hard for my mom too because she has always been so fiercely independent and stubborn and it’s hard for her to have to rely on other people, especially when she can sometimes barely get the words out for what she is trying to ask for in the first place.

Again, it makes me face my OWN mortality and the reality that one day one or both of my parents will end up living with us. 

Well I better wrap this up with some photos:
David, Jessica, and me at a beer garden in the city
Me and David
David and baby Luna
Me, Luna and Jessica
BTW, Baby Luna LOVED her Auntie Farrell:)